Occupational Hazards: Electrical Engineer

This is the first post of a series I am dubbing Occupational Hazards.  It is what the blog was originally planned for, though Velociraptor and Naturism ended up coming first.  The concept started out while I was at work and a co-worker started giving me different occupations, asking me how my life would fair if I did the particular job.  As I explained how I saw my life going with each job, every time I ended up dying an unfortunate death.  This happened again at work another time.  Thus my inspiration for this blog series.  Today's treat:  Sam is an electrical engineer.  Enjoy!

Sam was always an ambitious guy who lacked motivation in things that did not concern him.  Good thing he loved electronics.  He graduated Wichita State University with a degree in electrical engineering in a short four years, only side-stepping from his original goal of being a computer engineer.  Getting into the business was not hard.  As they say, to make it in this world you've gotta know the right people and be able to kiss some major ass. Fortunately, Sam's ass-kissing days would not approach for another few years.  His cousin had been working with an electrian's firm for close to ten years.  Thanks to his cousin, Sam had his foot in the door, and that was all he needed to secure a place for himself.  (Cus he's awesome.)

At the age of twenty-three, Sam wasn't only beginning to lead a soon-to-be very successful career, but also preparing to marry a gorgeous woman (by the name of Petunia) whom he had been dating for the past year.  Sure, he'd admit that she wasn't his dream woman.  For instance, she didn't seem to have any interest in having children (he wanted seven) and she was a blond (he's a sucker for brunettes), but she seemed to love him... or at least like him for who he was, and when it came to being the slightly wacky and strange guy that he was, he couldn't ask for much more.  'Course he liked her too.

Three years came and went and a combination of ass-kissing and simply showing off his expertise brought him to the door step of General Electric.  (Or rather, Electric General, a name change that occurred when the company was restructured and began working on contract for various big city crime lords, unbeknownst, of course, to the general public.)  There he was offered a starting salary of 100k per year (plus various benefits, 2-weeks vacation, and a hefty annual bonus.)

It should be noted that Sam was mildly aware of the kinds of things that EG did on the side, but he had little choice.  Petunia, his now wife of two years would not settle for less than EG's offer and had threatened to leave him if he didn't bring in enough dough to keep her lifestyle comfortable.  Sam believed in the sacredness of marriage, even if Petunia didn't, and thus was going to keep her happy no matter what.  Thus, Sam took the job at Electric General.

At first the job was nothing special.  He helped in designing new models of various household appliances.  His task was simple: every six months or so, he was to aid in "upgrading" any given model of vacuum cleaner, microwave, power drill, etc for a minimum to zero manufacturing increase.  Only he didn't do that.  He revolutionized household appliances.  He destroyed the market with far-advanced machinery that was actually cheaper to produce.  Within five years, EG held the market in the palm of its hand.  There was no competition.  Sam was becoming a legend.  Or should have anyway, except for EG kept him under wraps.  Of course he was compensated well for this.  It was better than winning the lottery.  Petunia certainly had more money now than she could have ever spent.  (Or should have been able to ever spend anyway.  Of course, as in all sob stories, she had a gambling problem.)  All Sam really wanted was a nice house, a motor boat, and an unlimited supply of beef jerk, all of which was already bought and paid for.

While he was extremely valuable producing for the public market, EG knew that the real money was in the underground market.  So of course it was a no-brainer to place Sam there.  He never knew exactly what he was working on or who it would go to, but he did know that the compensation was extraordinary and that refusal to work could be deadly.  He never caught wind of the atrocities that his various creations has ended up aiding in, and he preferred it that way.  That is, until he was fifty-two.  When the mob got a hold of his electric force fields, well, they were no longer afraid of anything save a nuclear bomb.  They went public.  They took over San Francisco, Los Angeles... all of California and its neighboring states.  They were spreading across the country like wildfire.  The government and its military didn't have a chance.  America was being plunged into anarchy.

So Sam went fishing.

It was during this fishing trip that his boat quit working.  Quickly deducing that it was a problem with the wiring, he went to the back of the boat to retrieve his toolbox. ...at which point he was struck by lightning and instantly killed.  Sure, sure it was a sunny day with hardly a cloud in the sky, but hey, stranger things have happened, right?

Ehhh, he probably got smut by God.

THE END!

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So if you liked it, let me know.  Also, what occupation would you like to read about next?  I'm fed by what YOU wanna read!  So come on, let's hear it!